A wish to one and all for a Happy Thanksgiving...safe travels to all who are on the road to family gatherings...I will be spending the holiday at work...(I work most holidays...such is the life of a security officer), but I am not looking for sympathy. I am truly blessed to be able to work and live here in paradise...(my idea of paradise, anyway) and would like to share some of the things I am thankful for this day...(I LOVE theme blogs!)
T---is for Time. We only get a set amount in our lifetimes and I wasn't taking care of that time when I was younger. I have been blessed with a "second" life and want to make sure that I spend it more wisely. The expression "you only go around once" is true, but you can change paths along the way to make the ride a little less bumpy, if you take your time...
H---is for Health. With all the crap I did to myself and put in myself over the years, I am amazed that I am still here and mostly healthy...With the exception of wear and tear that we all go
through as we age, I am thankful that all my parts still function.
A---is for Arizona. I am so thankful that I was able to move here and able to continue to live in this
beautiful place I now call home.
N---is for Niche. I am thankful that I found my niche in my second career in security. I seem to have
a knack (wish that started with "N") for doing this sort of work and it is both rewarding and
interesting.
K---is for Kin. I am blessed to be related to outstanding people and blessed to have friends that I
consider family.
S---is for Strength. Not the physical kind,,,but the mental strength and determination to cope with all
setbacks and hurdles along the way. The strength to fight through problems and do what is
necessary to "live the dream".
G---is for Golf. You didn't think I would forget golf, did you? I credit this wonderful game for
having a hand in saving my life when sobriety was a dream I wanted to achieve...a 47 year old love affair that I am thankful to be able to continue to play.
I---is for Imagination. I am thankful for my "unique perspective"(insert any word here you like) and my "creative" bent that seems to keep people entertained and sometimes scratching their heads. Predictable? I think not!
V---is for Values. I dislike thinking that kindness, being a gentleman, and love for country are being
pushed into "old school" thinking. Treating people the way you want to be treated and hard work
and earning respect may be "old school" in this entitled, over-sensitive society in which we live, but I am thankful that I am "old school".
I---is for Innovation. I am thankful to have the ability to change and adapt to situations that life throws at me. The ability to transform myself and adapt myself to this wonderful life we all share.
N---is for Nation. I am thankful to live in the greatest nation on earth that provides me with the freedom to pursue my dreams and the freedom to say and write what I like in these blogs.
G---is for God. None of this is possible without God's grace and guidance. I know it's not fashionable to mention God these days, but I am not a slave to fashion...(you've seen how I dress!). I give thanks to God for every day and for everything that I have. He gives me strength and more blessings than I deserve...
So Happy Thanksgiving everyone...Hope you enjoy the rest of the day...
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Saturday, November 21, 2015
In memory of... Uncle Charlie
Friday, November 20, 2015 will now be added to my personal calendar as a day I look to heaven and smile while a tear(s) gently rolls down my cheek...Uncle Charlie has passed away. My most heartfelt condolences and love go out to Aunt Joan and all the cousins and their families on this day. I have personally felt the pain of losing my Dad, and no matter how old someone is, the pain and loss still comes. Charlie lived to be 93 years young and went peacefully under hospice care, leaving behind some wonderful memories that I thought were lost in the Rolodex of my addled brain, but have resurfaced as I write this...
I remember the station wagon with the Iowa plates in the driveway, signalling a visit from Uncle Charlie and Aunt Joan and an always changing number of cousins...I thought at the time it was a major inconvenience...(jerk!) but I always missed them when they left. It wasn't until I was older that I finally appreciated my cousins and the wonderful people that brought them into the world. I remember visiting Iowa on the family vacation...(now THAT was a major inconvenience! But only in the travelling sense). Cramming the parents, three kids, and Grandma into the car and pulling a trailer behind it while touring the great Midwest was not my idea of a treat. But when we got to Iowa and got to stay at the "mansion" now that was a massive treat...I loved that old house with the carriage house and porches and multiple levels...(I got to sleep on the top floor with the pool table! Very cool!). The dinners, simple and always delicious, and the stories that we heard about growing up and life "back in the day"...
I remember reconnecting with the cousins, especially Beck...(similar age, similar situations at the time) and it was mostly from her that I learned about Charlie's war experiences...shot down over Germany in WWII and spending a year as a prisoner of war. I remember that Charlie didn't talk about that much and Beck said she had a hard time getting any of his friends to open up about it. I can only imagine how horrific the experience must have been...
I remember visiting Fort Loudon when Joan and Charlie sold the house in Iowa and going back in time...(as a history lover, it was an incredible place). It was built in the 1800's with the front of the house right on the road (for the horse and buggy to pull up to) and the backyard stretching far...(with the outhouses, of course) It had a cistern for collecting rainwater and a pump to fill up the buckets for indoor water use. They modernized it since then with indoor plumbing and water, but the rooms spoke of the olden days where the kitchen and "parlor" dominated the other rooms. It was here that I learned how my grandmother had her kids...Charlie born in the kitchen by the stove (it was December) with a midwife and Mom in the outdoor outhouse in July by herself. It was these stories that I wanted to hear. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed talking with Charlie...he was extremely intelligent (professor and dean of a college in Iowa) and deeply religious. I remember reading his newsletters about the Bible each month and marveled about his passion and love for God. I always felt that Charlie had a "special" relationship with God and that if God ever had a close circle of friends, Charlie would be one of them...
I remember the reunion on Ruby Ridge (inside joke)...especially traveling with my extremely pregnant sister at the time. All of Charlie's nine (9!) kids were there and it was an absolutely unforgettable trip. The man-made lake...(thanks to the devastating flood in the Midwest), the water slide and floating platform, the stories and more stories and just being able to connect with that side of the family again. A plethora of nieces, nephews, 2nd cousins, grand-kids and great grand-kids have come to pass since then but the memories will live on...
And that is how I will end this tribute...the memories of loved ones should be shared and nurtured and passed down from person to person and generation to generation...Charlie had a magnificent life and his family is living proof of that...he helped raise (most of the credit to Aunt Joan, of course) nine exceptional people, who in turn are raising exceptional people of their own. I am proud to be able to be included in that family tree and proud to be related to each and every one of them...I share the loss of Uncle Charlie, but I rejoice in his reunion with God. I look forward to sharing many more memories and hope someday to earn the right to see him again. Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the Mercy of God, rest in peace... Amen. God bless the family and especially Aunt Joan as they navigate through this time...
I remember the station wagon with the Iowa plates in the driveway, signalling a visit from Uncle Charlie and Aunt Joan and an always changing number of cousins...I thought at the time it was a major inconvenience...(jerk!) but I always missed them when they left. It wasn't until I was older that I finally appreciated my cousins and the wonderful people that brought them into the world. I remember visiting Iowa on the family vacation...(now THAT was a major inconvenience! But only in the travelling sense). Cramming the parents, three kids, and Grandma into the car and pulling a trailer behind it while touring the great Midwest was not my idea of a treat. But when we got to Iowa and got to stay at the "mansion" now that was a massive treat...I loved that old house with the carriage house and porches and multiple levels...(I got to sleep on the top floor with the pool table! Very cool!). The dinners, simple and always delicious, and the stories that we heard about growing up and life "back in the day"...
I remember reconnecting with the cousins, especially Beck...(similar age, similar situations at the time) and it was mostly from her that I learned about Charlie's war experiences...shot down over Germany in WWII and spending a year as a prisoner of war. I remember that Charlie didn't talk about that much and Beck said she had a hard time getting any of his friends to open up about it. I can only imagine how horrific the experience must have been...
I remember visiting Fort Loudon when Joan and Charlie sold the house in Iowa and going back in time...(as a history lover, it was an incredible place). It was built in the 1800's with the front of the house right on the road (for the horse and buggy to pull up to) and the backyard stretching far...(with the outhouses, of course) It had a cistern for collecting rainwater and a pump to fill up the buckets for indoor water use. They modernized it since then with indoor plumbing and water, but the rooms spoke of the olden days where the kitchen and "parlor" dominated the other rooms. It was here that I learned how my grandmother had her kids...Charlie born in the kitchen by the stove (it was December) with a midwife and Mom in the outdoor outhouse in July by herself. It was these stories that I wanted to hear. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed talking with Charlie...he was extremely intelligent (professor and dean of a college in Iowa) and deeply religious. I remember reading his newsletters about the Bible each month and marveled about his passion and love for God. I always felt that Charlie had a "special" relationship with God and that if God ever had a close circle of friends, Charlie would be one of them...
I remember the reunion on Ruby Ridge (inside joke)...especially traveling with my extremely pregnant sister at the time. All of Charlie's nine (9!) kids were there and it was an absolutely unforgettable trip. The man-made lake...(thanks to the devastating flood in the Midwest), the water slide and floating platform, the stories and more stories and just being able to connect with that side of the family again. A plethora of nieces, nephews, 2nd cousins, grand-kids and great grand-kids have come to pass since then but the memories will live on...
And that is how I will end this tribute...the memories of loved ones should be shared and nurtured and passed down from person to person and generation to generation...Charlie had a magnificent life and his family is living proof of that...he helped raise (most of the credit to Aunt Joan, of course) nine exceptional people, who in turn are raising exceptional people of their own. I am proud to be able to be included in that family tree and proud to be related to each and every one of them...I share the loss of Uncle Charlie, but I rejoice in his reunion with God. I look forward to sharing many more memories and hope someday to earn the right to see him again. Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the Mercy of God, rest in peace... Amen. God bless the family and especially Aunt Joan as they navigate through this time...
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Not bad for a rookie...
The headliner is in! And it is staying in! As you all know...(or are about to learn), I have a 1996 Jeep Cherokee that I drove across country when I moved out to Arizona. I found a great mechanic and she is running like a top on her way to 300,000 miles...(currently 236,000 and counting). Thanks to little or no rain, rust is not a problem for vehicles here in the desert. The headliner started sagging...(finally reaching down to the top of my head) so I found a couple videos on youtube on how to replace one, bought some glue and headliner material from ebay, and proceeded to "backyard detail" my Jeep. It took me about an hour to remove the headliner. I had to detach the rear seat belts, the sun visors, the dome light, three handles and the trim all the way around...(making sure to bag the screws and parts and mark them so I would remember where they go...this is ME doing this, after all). The headliner then slid out, I removed the old one...(yuck!) and using an abrasive sponge, scraped the old glue off...(yuck again!). Then I swept the fiberglass backing, trimmed the material to size and glued...(the glue works almost too good) the new material to the fiberglass. It has a couple creases in it...(it was my first headliner replacement), but no air bubbles and then the fun part started. It took a longer time to get everything back together because of the awkward way I had to position myself to tighten screws and all, but it fit and there were no parts left over! And now I have headroom to spare! My Jeep is looking good again and next day off...(not sure when that might be), the rest of the truck will get washed, waxed, and prettied up on the inside.
The reason I am able to work on the truck is because the 100+ days are gone. Temperatures are in the 80's, 70's and 60's (brrrr) during the day and 40's and 50's at night. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" here in the Valley. I actually played golf in long pants and a pullover the other day...with shoes on, no less, and SOCKS! I usually play barefooted during the summer months...(I have a pair of golf sandals that I converted to slip-ons so that I can get on the course and navigate the rocks and desert areas). There is nothing better than bare-footing on manicured fairways and greens. But now is the time for socks (yuck!) and shoes. The courses have finally finished over seeding and are lush and green and beautiful. Prices are a bit steep...(the snowbirds have returned), but with a little savvy shopping, golf deals are out there and I will find them.
The Post Office sucks! You didn't think this blog would go without a least one rant, did you? I tried to send Halloween and birthday cards to my sister and the the nieces (late, of course, but the effort was there). I went to the Post Office, gave them the over-sized envelope with all the cards in it and went on my merry way. Yesterday, after nine days, I found my letter jammed in my tiny mailbox. It was returned to sender for insufficient postage that the post office put on it!! Snail mail strikes again. I apologize to Vee and Nat and the package will be sent again with fingers crossed that it will find its way to them. This is not the first time this has happened either... I have had things returned and lost by the beloved post office for numerous reasons and my last nerve is getting rubbed raw. God bless the government and their agencies...Have a great day. I'm off to the Post Office.
The reason I am able to work on the truck is because the 100+ days are gone. Temperatures are in the 80's, 70's and 60's (brrrr) during the day and 40's and 50's at night. "It's the most wonderful time of the year" here in the Valley. I actually played golf in long pants and a pullover the other day...with shoes on, no less, and SOCKS! I usually play barefooted during the summer months...(I have a pair of golf sandals that I converted to slip-ons so that I can get on the course and navigate the rocks and desert areas). There is nothing better than bare-footing on manicured fairways and greens. But now is the time for socks (yuck!) and shoes. The courses have finally finished over seeding and are lush and green and beautiful. Prices are a bit steep...(the snowbirds have returned), but with a little savvy shopping, golf deals are out there and I will find them.
The Post Office sucks! You didn't think this blog would go without a least one rant, did you? I tried to send Halloween and birthday cards to my sister and the the nieces (late, of course, but the effort was there). I went to the Post Office, gave them the over-sized envelope with all the cards in it and went on my merry way. Yesterday, after nine days, I found my letter jammed in my tiny mailbox. It was returned to sender for insufficient postage that the post office put on it!! Snail mail strikes again. I apologize to Vee and Nat and the package will be sent again with fingers crossed that it will find its way to them. This is not the first time this has happened either... I have had things returned and lost by the beloved post office for numerous reasons and my last nerve is getting rubbed raw. God bless the government and their agencies...Have a great day. I'm off to the Post Office.
Monday, November 2, 2015
May the best team win...
And the best team won...Congratulations to the Kansas City Royals on their World Series victory over my New York Mets. Am I disappointed? Of course, I am...I'm a fan, but let's face facts. The Royals out-hit , out-pitched, played better defense, out-hustled and clutch hit better than the Mets. And from what I saw...(which was about 2 innings of the whole Series on TV, the rest listening on radio), the Royals WANTED it more than the Mets. Their manager said it after the game last night. They were one out from winning the Series last year and the Giants took it away from them...they were on a mission from spring training this year and never stopped pushing until they reached their goal. So, congratulations Royals and their fans...(Anna and Mike). I bow before the World Champs.
Disappointment aside, I want to thank the Mets for giving me a season to remember...I never believed that they would have this successful a year in my wildest dreams. Listening to the games on the radio and hearing the crowd roaring during the playoffs gave me chills and rekindled my love for baseball and my Mets. Even though I am 2500 miles from the New York area, I know how electric the atmosphere must have been during the playoffs. I am so glad I got to see them play here when they visited the Dbacks. I hope they take the lesson learned this October...(like the Royals) and go into next year and beyond hungry for that championship ring.
I almost forgot to tell you guys...the reason I didn't see the games was because I threw cable TV out of my house on August 3 of this year...(plus the fact that I work most nights). Spending that much money for something I hardly used...(plus the wasted time sitting in front of it when I did), wore my last nerve and I finally said enough. My TV has been dark since then and I don't miss it one bit. I am reading books again and listening to music and riding my bike and cooking and having time to pursue other projects...(I am replacing the headliner in my Jeep as we speak). I feel like a convict that has been released from prison, locked on my couch watching things that have no bearing on my life whatsoever... Eventually I will get something...(Netflix or Hulu or Amazon prime) but for now I am enjoying the freedom from the Idiot Box, Boob Tube, or whatever you want to call it. Plus, it will free up my writing time so that I can tell about other adventures rather than work...(Yuck!).
So onward and upward, dear Readers...It is now November and that means endless hours of Christmas music will be pumping into your ears when you go shopping...(I think I'll stay away from the malls until mid-January). Ciao for now!
Disappointment aside, I want to thank the Mets for giving me a season to remember...I never believed that they would have this successful a year in my wildest dreams. Listening to the games on the radio and hearing the crowd roaring during the playoffs gave me chills and rekindled my love for baseball and my Mets. Even though I am 2500 miles from the New York area, I know how electric the atmosphere must have been during the playoffs. I am so glad I got to see them play here when they visited the Dbacks. I hope they take the lesson learned this October...(like the Royals) and go into next year and beyond hungry for that championship ring.
I almost forgot to tell you guys...the reason I didn't see the games was because I threw cable TV out of my house on August 3 of this year...(plus the fact that I work most nights). Spending that much money for something I hardly used...(plus the wasted time sitting in front of it when I did), wore my last nerve and I finally said enough. My TV has been dark since then and I don't miss it one bit. I am reading books again and listening to music and riding my bike and cooking and having time to pursue other projects...(I am replacing the headliner in my Jeep as we speak). I feel like a convict that has been released from prison, locked on my couch watching things that have no bearing on my life whatsoever... Eventually I will get something...(Netflix or Hulu or Amazon prime) but for now I am enjoying the freedom from the Idiot Box, Boob Tube, or whatever you want to call it. Plus, it will free up my writing time so that I can tell about other adventures rather than work...(Yuck!).
So onward and upward, dear Readers...It is now November and that means endless hours of Christmas music will be pumping into your ears when you go shopping...(I think I'll stay away from the malls until mid-January). Ciao for now!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
I am back...with a vengeance...
I am back!...(please hold your applause until the end of the blog). After a "summer of silence" (not intentional), the words and voices in my head...(good voices), have driven me back to the computer keyboard and back to my rightful place in the "blogdom". I hope you all had a great summer...(Bizarro winter here in the desert). Needless to say it was unbelievably hot this summer(winter) with record breaking heat and loooooooong stretches of 100+ degree days. Throw in some haboobs (dust storms), some violent thunderstorms and flash floods, and it was a pretty typical summer(winter). I have probably explained the bizarro angle, but here we go again. Winter, traditionally, is the season where people huddle indoors and go out less frequently...that's summer here...(except for me because I love the heat). Summer is the season where people take vacations...people take vacations to Arizona in the winter. Fall is the season of falling leaves and trees and plants dying until rebirth in the spring. Fall, here, is when the cactus flowers and the trees bloom...(and my allergies are out of control). Hence the bizarro world where everything is opposite...(don't get me started on Daylight Savings Time!). So really there are 2 seasons in the desert, FREAKING HOT, which goes from middle May until middle October, and ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS, the rest of the time. Absolutely Gorgeous came last week and is spectacular to say the least. Cool evenings and 80 degree days with plentiful sunshine and blue skies.
Good news,bad news alert...Over seeding is almost done in the valley...(replacing grass on the golf courses with rye grass, a heartier winter grass that will take the lower temperatures). That's the good news. Grass is not the only thing growing at the golf course...so are the greens fees to play as the snowbirds make their way from the Midwest and Great White North (I'm talking Canada, EH?). That's the bad news. But a couple of overtime shifts at Desert Highlands or a weekend or two at the Convention Center will help...(let's face it. I would sell my blood for greens fees!) But, luckily it hasn't come to that.
Some important people had birthdays during my absence and I think I got them all via some sort of media, social, email and the like but re-wishing happy birthdays to Toni Ann, Bob, Mom, Bob (bro), Sheryl, Beck, Veronica, Natalie, and Loretta and anyone else in the mix from June 2 until the present...(I'm old--I forget things). Prayers go out to Uncle Charlie and especially Aunt Joan in this time of need as Charlie has been ill and has been moved to hospice care in Pennsylvania...I have many wonderful memories of Charlie and the cousins (those I remember, but where are my damn keys/!) and I will always treasure them. I believe in all my heart that Charlie has a special place with God when He finally calls him home.
And finally...I chose this day because the World Series begins tonight, and lo and behold, my beloved Mets are IN IT! I remember wishing in May that all I wanted was meaningful baseball being played by the Mets after July and the All-Star break...and boy, they did not disappoint. Beating the Nationals to win the division, then the hated Dodgers (that's the DBack fan in me) in five games and then sweeping the Cubs (remember Cub fans, Back to the Future was a "fantasy" movie for entertainment purposes only). And here they are playing in the World Series! I never thought they would be good this soon. I figured with all the young pitchers it would be a year or three before they came along, but who's complaining? Kansas City is a formidable opponent (they were there last year) but anything could happen...LET'S GO METS!!
Glad to be back, hope you feel the same...Much more to come. Health and blessings to "y'all"...
Good news,bad news alert...Over seeding is almost done in the valley...(replacing grass on the golf courses with rye grass, a heartier winter grass that will take the lower temperatures). That's the good news. Grass is not the only thing growing at the golf course...so are the greens fees to play as the snowbirds make their way from the Midwest and Great White North (I'm talking Canada, EH?). That's the bad news. But a couple of overtime shifts at Desert Highlands or a weekend or two at the Convention Center will help...(let's face it. I would sell my blood for greens fees!) But, luckily it hasn't come to that.
Some important people had birthdays during my absence and I think I got them all via some sort of media, social, email and the like but re-wishing happy birthdays to Toni Ann, Bob, Mom, Bob (bro), Sheryl, Beck, Veronica, Natalie, and Loretta and anyone else in the mix from June 2 until the present...(I'm old--I forget things). Prayers go out to Uncle Charlie and especially Aunt Joan in this time of need as Charlie has been ill and has been moved to hospice care in Pennsylvania...I have many wonderful memories of Charlie and the cousins (those I remember, but where are my damn keys/!) and I will always treasure them. I believe in all my heart that Charlie has a special place with God when He finally calls him home.
And finally...I chose this day because the World Series begins tonight, and lo and behold, my beloved Mets are IN IT! I remember wishing in May that all I wanted was meaningful baseball being played by the Mets after July and the All-Star break...and boy, they did not disappoint. Beating the Nationals to win the division, then the hated Dodgers (that's the DBack fan in me) in five games and then sweeping the Cubs (remember Cub fans, Back to the Future was a "fantasy" movie for entertainment purposes only). And here they are playing in the World Series! I never thought they would be good this soon. I figured with all the young pitchers it would be a year or three before they came along, but who's complaining? Kansas City is a formidable opponent (they were there last year) but anything could happen...LET'S GO METS!!
Glad to be back, hope you feel the same...Much more to come. Health and blessings to "y'all"...
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
20 years and counting... (Part Five)
Sorry I haven't been in touch, but it's been a whirlwind of activity since I last spoke to you. Time flies even faster when you are busy. It's almost been a month since my last installment but everything is good...good and hectic. Since we last spoke I have been to Virginia to visit sister and family and worked extra hours at the Convention Center as well as my full time gig. And now back to my saga...
I couldn't wait until the next meeting for my group... Finally admitting that I was powerless to combat my addiction (something you all knew all along) didn't bring embarrassment or shame, it brought a sense of peace mixed with anxiety, anger, fear and wonder. Anxiety that I had only one more session in group and I had so much to say... Anger (at myself) that it had taken me so long to wise up and fight for my life... Fear that I wouldn't be able to continue not to drink and drug.. Wonder that a sense of peace would ever come to me. That one admission cleared the cobwebs of years of abuse and self loathing and failure and in that moment of clarity I realized that I was in for the fight of my life...FOR my life. I awoke the next day not sure where I was going or how I do anything, but one thing was for certain...I was going to use my addictive behavior in reverse. Every day I remained clean and sober was a shot of adrenaline for the next day. I became addicted to sobriety. After my last session at the rehab facility, I re-signed...(I stayed in the group for 2 years). I threw myself into work to keep busy... (being in the warehouse unloading trucks and pulling orders was exactly what I needed). I began to think about the future again, beyond planning what bar I would hang in that night. Anxiety became excitement (everyday learning new ways to keep my sobriety)...Anger became determination (I couldn't change the past. I had to own it and do my best not to repeat it)...Fear became motivation (I was going to be a success story so that I could help those who struggled as I did)...Wonder was the best of all. I wondered whether anyone would like the reinvented person I was becoming every day (I didn't know if I would). I wondered if sharing my experiences and being open and honest would bring out the real personality that I thought only came out when I was drinking... I wondered if God would continue to give me the strength He gave me to quit in the first place (stupid man, of course He would)...
So, as the title says, we are 20 years and counting...The unbelievable support I have received from many sources over the years still overwhelms me. The tools that I learned in the program are now ingrained in my everyday life. I am living a dream...(the fact that I am even alive at this point is amazing). I have a job(s) that I love. I am recovering (what else?) from some financial difficulties that are not so difficult anymore. Golf is still a big part of my life and I am blessed to be able to continue to play the game I love. I still have the love and support of family members and friends and I thank you again. So here's to 20 years...and here's to 20 more. My name is Jim...and I am an alcoholic. 20 years clean and sober never tasted so sweet. God Bless you all.
I couldn't wait until the next meeting for my group... Finally admitting that I was powerless to combat my addiction (something you all knew all along) didn't bring embarrassment or shame, it brought a sense of peace mixed with anxiety, anger, fear and wonder. Anxiety that I had only one more session in group and I had so much to say... Anger (at myself) that it had taken me so long to wise up and fight for my life... Fear that I wouldn't be able to continue not to drink and drug.. Wonder that a sense of peace would ever come to me. That one admission cleared the cobwebs of years of abuse and self loathing and failure and in that moment of clarity I realized that I was in for the fight of my life...FOR my life. I awoke the next day not sure where I was going or how I do anything, but one thing was for certain...I was going to use my addictive behavior in reverse. Every day I remained clean and sober was a shot of adrenaline for the next day. I became addicted to sobriety. After my last session at the rehab facility, I re-signed...(I stayed in the group for 2 years). I threw myself into work to keep busy... (being in the warehouse unloading trucks and pulling orders was exactly what I needed). I began to think about the future again, beyond planning what bar I would hang in that night. Anxiety became excitement (everyday learning new ways to keep my sobriety)...Anger became determination (I couldn't change the past. I had to own it and do my best not to repeat it)...Fear became motivation (I was going to be a success story so that I could help those who struggled as I did)...Wonder was the best of all. I wondered whether anyone would like the reinvented person I was becoming every day (I didn't know if I would). I wondered if sharing my experiences and being open and honest would bring out the real personality that I thought only came out when I was drinking... I wondered if God would continue to give me the strength He gave me to quit in the first place (stupid man, of course He would)...
So, as the title says, we are 20 years and counting...The unbelievable support I have received from many sources over the years still overwhelms me. The tools that I learned in the program are now ingrained in my everyday life. I am living a dream...(the fact that I am even alive at this point is amazing). I have a job(s) that I love. I am recovering (what else?) from some financial difficulties that are not so difficult anymore. Golf is still a big part of my life and I am blessed to be able to continue to play the game I love. I still have the love and support of family members and friends and I thank you again. So here's to 20 years...and here's to 20 more. My name is Jim...and I am an alcoholic. 20 years clean and sober never tasted so sweet. God Bless you all.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
20 years and counting... (Part Four)
I was hoping this saga would not have as many parts as Lethal Weapon or Rocky movies, but once I opened the proverbial can of worms, the weight of all of this began dropping off my shoulders and I couldn't stop talking about it. The retelling of this is necessary from time to time to remind me of where I was, what I went through and how much I (we) have overcome. Keeping the story alive is what keeps me alive...I never want to go back to who I was or how I was and the addiction is always there, waiting in the shadows, ready to pounce when your guard is down. The dependence on alcohol may be gone (buried) but the addictive nature and personality never goes away. That is why I will always be a recovering alcoholic, never a recovered one.
My trial was postponed until June of 1995 on the anniversary of D-Day (Drunk Day for me). The month of May saw me demoted back into the warehouse, riding my bike in the dark to catch the 5:40 am train to New Brunswick and riding around 10 more miles to work. I caught rides from co-workers back to the station after work and then I would get off in Metuchen, attend my counseling session, then hop another train and ride my bike home. Looking back now, it was the best thing that could have happened. The work was hard and physically demanding and the commute was brutal at times, but it kept reminding me that drinking caused it and it was the price I would continue to pay unless I did something about it...(of course I wasn't that enlightened at the time it was happening). I met my lawyer at court and I noticed two other people at the prosecutor's table. I asked my lawyer who they were. "That is the couple you rear ended at the end of the high speed police chase." I couldn't remember...anything. Even after reading the police report, to this day I cannot remember anything from the time I left my sister's house at 6 pm on Sunday night until I awoke in a cell on Monday morning. My blood alcohol was .28 and I ran a police car off the road during the chase but thank God I didn't kill anyone...The verdict: Guilty as charged. Loss of license: 2 years...Community service: 180 hours...Court mandated weekend for driver re-education...Court mandated out-patient rehabilitation for 16 weeks...Fines and fees totaling close to $1000...add to that a 15% pay cut and demotion at work...Commuting by bicycle and train...having the car parked in the driveway and not getting to use it...I finally had to face the consequences...
The court mandated weekend was at a converted convent in Passaic, N.J. (hardly the garden spot in the Garden State). Check in was 6 pm Friday night and we were told that if we were late for any reason we would be sent back to court for harsher punishment. By the time I was processed and showed to my cot that I shared with another inmate (the room, not the cot), it was about 7:30 pm. Great. Good night's sleep, up in the morning? Oh no...Get settled and down to the assembly area by 8 pm. We were up until 2 am watching films on drunk driving and an AA meeting and listening to lectures. Saturday morning was up at 7 for breakfast and non stop until Saturday night. The same routine for Sunday. On Saturday we filled out a questionnaire on our drinking habits...(I lied on the one they gave us for my first DWI). This time I told the truth...they came and took me to the administrators office immediately. They wanted to know if I misunderstood the questions. I told them no. They said I should be in a program. I told them I was already in one. They questioned how it was that I was still alive...got me on that one. I had no idea.
I made it to 15 weeks at the rehab place without admitting I had a problem with drugs and alcohol...I hadn't had anything to drink, but I was running on sheer willpower...(God's, not mine). I wasn't sharing in group and I told myself that one more week and I was free. A friend in group invited me to his "home" meeting for AA the following night. Sure, what could it hurt? I went and the wheels of the denial bus finally came off. It wasn't like in the Blues Brothers where the light shines on Belushi, but the light did come on. A man stood up and told his story and it was MY story. Everything I felt, everything I thought about, all the hopelessness and feeling alone against the world, the feeling that this was only happening to me was put out in the open by a complete stranger. I couldn't believe it. God had put this man in my life for one brief night and changed my life forever..."Everything happens for a reason" was never made so perfectly clear as it was that night. A flood of emotion rocked me and I am brought to tears even now remembering it. I stood up that night and introduced myself...Hello, my name is Jim...I am an alcoholic...
My trial was postponed until June of 1995 on the anniversary of D-Day (Drunk Day for me). The month of May saw me demoted back into the warehouse, riding my bike in the dark to catch the 5:40 am train to New Brunswick and riding around 10 more miles to work. I caught rides from co-workers back to the station after work and then I would get off in Metuchen, attend my counseling session, then hop another train and ride my bike home. Looking back now, it was the best thing that could have happened. The work was hard and physically demanding and the commute was brutal at times, but it kept reminding me that drinking caused it and it was the price I would continue to pay unless I did something about it...(of course I wasn't that enlightened at the time it was happening). I met my lawyer at court and I noticed two other people at the prosecutor's table. I asked my lawyer who they were. "That is the couple you rear ended at the end of the high speed police chase." I couldn't remember...anything. Even after reading the police report, to this day I cannot remember anything from the time I left my sister's house at 6 pm on Sunday night until I awoke in a cell on Monday morning. My blood alcohol was .28 and I ran a police car off the road during the chase but thank God I didn't kill anyone...The verdict: Guilty as charged. Loss of license: 2 years...Community service: 180 hours...Court mandated weekend for driver re-education...Court mandated out-patient rehabilitation for 16 weeks...Fines and fees totaling close to $1000...add to that a 15% pay cut and demotion at work...Commuting by bicycle and train...having the car parked in the driveway and not getting to use it...I finally had to face the consequences...
The court mandated weekend was at a converted convent in Passaic, N.J. (hardly the garden spot in the Garden State). Check in was 6 pm Friday night and we were told that if we were late for any reason we would be sent back to court for harsher punishment. By the time I was processed and showed to my cot that I shared with another inmate (the room, not the cot), it was about 7:30 pm. Great. Good night's sleep, up in the morning? Oh no...Get settled and down to the assembly area by 8 pm. We were up until 2 am watching films on drunk driving and an AA meeting and listening to lectures. Saturday morning was up at 7 for breakfast and non stop until Saturday night. The same routine for Sunday. On Saturday we filled out a questionnaire on our drinking habits...(I lied on the one they gave us for my first DWI). This time I told the truth...they came and took me to the administrators office immediately. They wanted to know if I misunderstood the questions. I told them no. They said I should be in a program. I told them I was already in one. They questioned how it was that I was still alive...got me on that one. I had no idea.
I made it to 15 weeks at the rehab place without admitting I had a problem with drugs and alcohol...I hadn't had anything to drink, but I was running on sheer willpower...(God's, not mine). I wasn't sharing in group and I told myself that one more week and I was free. A friend in group invited me to his "home" meeting for AA the following night. Sure, what could it hurt? I went and the wheels of the denial bus finally came off. It wasn't like in the Blues Brothers where the light shines on Belushi, but the light did come on. A man stood up and told his story and it was MY story. Everything I felt, everything I thought about, all the hopelessness and feeling alone against the world, the feeling that this was only happening to me was put out in the open by a complete stranger. I couldn't believe it. God had put this man in my life for one brief night and changed my life forever..."Everything happens for a reason" was never made so perfectly clear as it was that night. A flood of emotion rocked me and I am brought to tears even now remembering it. I stood up that night and introduced myself...Hello, my name is Jim...I am an alcoholic...
Thursday, April 30, 2015
20 years and counting... (Part Three)
April 23, 1995 began like many Sundays that year. My brother and I were going to race in Newark at the Cherry Blossom 10k and then go to my sister's house for a after race BBQ. We finished the race and I began drinking...(six pack and Marlboro post race meal). I didn't slow down when I got to my sister's either and around 6 pm I said I had dinner plans (lie) and had to go. By then I was buzzing... (not eating and drinking after exercise will do that to you). We got in an argument and I left. That was the last thing I remembered about that day...
I woke up the next morning and my feet were freezing. I couldn't find the blanket and my pillow felt wrong but my head was pounding so badly I didn't want to open my eyes. When I did open my eyes I noticed the camera in the ceiling...(I don't have a camera in my bedroom ceiling). Then I noticed the bars where the door should be...(again, no bars in my bedroom). I realized I was in jail. The officer brought me some crappy coffee and commented on what a busy night I had. My wrists were very sore (handcuffs) and I was told I needed 980 dollars for bail or I would be staying awhile. The call to Mom to come pick me up and bring my checkbook to Westfield Police Station hurt almost as much as the hangover I was suffering through. Where was my car?...at a local body shop. When I sobered up enough I contacted a local lawyer and called work...(it was Monday now) and listened to my boss berate me for not showing up. I explained that I needed to use my phone call for bail and would explain all the following day. I met with the lawyer and he advised me to ask for help from my employer and to start an out patient counseling program because the court would mandate one and doing it now made me look more responsible. By asking work for help...(I was still denying that I had a drinking problem) they were compelled not to fire me under the American Disability Act and I would need my job to pay for all the fines, insurance surcharges, and miscellaneous fees that would be coming.
For the next few days, when I wasn't working, I was drinking...(what better reason than to drown all my new problems rather than deal with them head on). I was demoted back into the warehouse at work...(and with it a HUGE cut in pay). I had to take the train to and from work and ride my bicycle also. I found a counseling center that was a block from one of the stops on the train...(location, location, location). I had a pending trial facing 2 years loss of license plus a host of fines and fees...my car was in a body shop waiting for me to pick it up. How to handle all this? Drink up! I do not remember what triggered it, but when I woke up the morning of the 28th of April, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the face staring back at me. That bastard in the mirror was responsible for all my hardships and problems and I wasn't going to let him drag me down anymore. I didn't know how I was going to cope with everything crashing around me but I FINALLY realized that drinking wasn't the answer (proverbial slap to the forehead and light bulb above the head, please). I also had no idea how to stop drinking except that I so polluted I couldn't drink that day or that weekend...During my drinking heyday I used to quit for Lent, so I decided to stop until all the legal crap was resolved. So I began my quest to find a way out of the abyss...
I woke up the next morning and my feet were freezing. I couldn't find the blanket and my pillow felt wrong but my head was pounding so badly I didn't want to open my eyes. When I did open my eyes I noticed the camera in the ceiling...(I don't have a camera in my bedroom ceiling). Then I noticed the bars where the door should be...(again, no bars in my bedroom). I realized I was in jail. The officer brought me some crappy coffee and commented on what a busy night I had. My wrists were very sore (handcuffs) and I was told I needed 980 dollars for bail or I would be staying awhile. The call to Mom to come pick me up and bring my checkbook to Westfield Police Station hurt almost as much as the hangover I was suffering through. Where was my car?...at a local body shop. When I sobered up enough I contacted a local lawyer and called work...(it was Monday now) and listened to my boss berate me for not showing up. I explained that I needed to use my phone call for bail and would explain all the following day. I met with the lawyer and he advised me to ask for help from my employer and to start an out patient counseling program because the court would mandate one and doing it now made me look more responsible. By asking work for help...(I was still denying that I had a drinking problem) they were compelled not to fire me under the American Disability Act and I would need my job to pay for all the fines, insurance surcharges, and miscellaneous fees that would be coming.
For the next few days, when I wasn't working, I was drinking...(what better reason than to drown all my new problems rather than deal with them head on). I was demoted back into the warehouse at work...(and with it a HUGE cut in pay). I had to take the train to and from work and ride my bicycle also. I found a counseling center that was a block from one of the stops on the train...(location, location, location). I had a pending trial facing 2 years loss of license plus a host of fines and fees...my car was in a body shop waiting for me to pick it up. How to handle all this? Drink up! I do not remember what triggered it, but when I woke up the morning of the 28th of April, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the face staring back at me. That bastard in the mirror was responsible for all my hardships and problems and I wasn't going to let him drag me down anymore. I didn't know how I was going to cope with everything crashing around me but I FINALLY realized that drinking wasn't the answer (proverbial slap to the forehead and light bulb above the head, please). I also had no idea how to stop drinking except that I so polluted I couldn't drink that day or that weekend...During my drinking heyday I used to quit for Lent, so I decided to stop until all the legal crap was resolved. So I began my quest to find a way out of the abyss...
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
20 years and counting... (Part Two)
I feel it necessary (and it is always necessary) to share with you some of the details that led me to this momentous journey culminating in 20 years of freedom from addiction to drugs and alcohol. I began drinking early in my teen years (13-14) in the usual manner...stealing liquor from my parent's stash, grabbing beers at parties and asking older friends to buy beer for me from the liquor stores. I was amazed that the shy, introverted kid that I was (I know it's hard to believe that I was once shy or introverted), came out of his shell with a confidence and spirit I never thought was inside me. I obviously believed that it was the liquor that was behind this surge of personality and confidence and not that my real inner self was extroverted and confident and personable. I hated the fact that I was shy, bookish, and totally inept around women...(I'm still inept around women, but two out of three ain't bad?). Plus the fact that I loved the taste of beer had a lot to do with it too.
The problems came in my twenties...I had added drugs to the equation by then (totally my own choice...peer pressure may get you to try something, but to continue to abuse drugs is a personal choice and I take full responsibility for that. I was working (two jobs at times) while in college full time and the pressure to succeed was real (in my head)... I had a four year scholarship to St. Peter's College in Jersey City, NJ. (now St. Peter's University...la di da) by winning an essay contest through the Knights of Columbus. I drank away several semesters and ending up taking 6 years to graduate and having to pay for two years. But I did manage to graduate. I started working full time and got a real good job working for Goodyear and made good money, but I had no real bills to pay. I still lived at home (rent free) and had no real bills. My cars I bought with cash,(always used) insurance was cheap because when I got in an accident and wrecked the car I just bought another used car. It was in my mid-twenties when the black-outs started. I remember going out at night but then the switch went off and I couldn't remember what happened next or how I got home. I would find my car parked around the corner or in a neighbor's driveway or banged up and no clue how it happened. My family became increasingly worried and began suggesting that maybe I needed some help, but that wasn't going to happen. An alcoholic will only seek help when they decide they have a problem. I didn't believe I had one.
By the time 1993 rolled along, I was going hell bent on a path of self-destruction. I hated my situation, I hated who I had become, and hated the fact that while I was successful in the working world, everything else was going to shit (sorry). Just another excuse to drink over. I had an endless supply of them to keep me drunk... I was arrested in November of 1993 and charged with DWI and lost my license for 6 months. My blood alcohol level was .24 (the legal limit is .08). I didn't lose my job and I behaved for awhile, but after getting my license back, everything was okay again. I managed to stop the car wrecks when I purchased the only new car I have ever owned...a 1993 Saturn Coupe with manual transmission. But there were many close calls, just no accidents. The consequences were about to come fast and hard. By 1993 I was 245 pounds, fat and out of shape (round is a shape, but not desirable). I went to my Dad's cardiologist and found I had high blood pressure (duh! FAT!) and an enlarged liver (pre-cirrhotic is what he called it). He put me on water pills and I hated it. I started running with my brother and that helped a lot. Because I ran so much my blood pressure normalized and I found I could still drink...(my post run snack was a six pack of beer and a pack of Marlboro). I even managed to complete the 1994 NYC Marathon with a lot of help from my brother and sister...I still don't remember miles 23 through 25.
But the worst was yet to come...
The problems came in my twenties...I had added drugs to the equation by then (totally my own choice...peer pressure may get you to try something, but to continue to abuse drugs is a personal choice and I take full responsibility for that. I was working (two jobs at times) while in college full time and the pressure to succeed was real (in my head)... I had a four year scholarship to St. Peter's College in Jersey City, NJ. (now St. Peter's University...la di da) by winning an essay contest through the Knights of Columbus. I drank away several semesters and ending up taking 6 years to graduate and having to pay for two years. But I did manage to graduate. I started working full time and got a real good job working for Goodyear and made good money, but I had no real bills to pay. I still lived at home (rent free) and had no real bills. My cars I bought with cash,(always used) insurance was cheap because when I got in an accident and wrecked the car I just bought another used car. It was in my mid-twenties when the black-outs started. I remember going out at night but then the switch went off and I couldn't remember what happened next or how I got home. I would find my car parked around the corner or in a neighbor's driveway or banged up and no clue how it happened. My family became increasingly worried and began suggesting that maybe I needed some help, but that wasn't going to happen. An alcoholic will only seek help when they decide they have a problem. I didn't believe I had one.
By the time 1993 rolled along, I was going hell bent on a path of self-destruction. I hated my situation, I hated who I had become, and hated the fact that while I was successful in the working world, everything else was going to shit (sorry). Just another excuse to drink over. I had an endless supply of them to keep me drunk... I was arrested in November of 1993 and charged with DWI and lost my license for 6 months. My blood alcohol level was .24 (the legal limit is .08). I didn't lose my job and I behaved for awhile, but after getting my license back, everything was okay again. I managed to stop the car wrecks when I purchased the only new car I have ever owned...a 1993 Saturn Coupe with manual transmission. But there were many close calls, just no accidents. The consequences were about to come fast and hard. By 1993 I was 245 pounds, fat and out of shape (round is a shape, but not desirable). I went to my Dad's cardiologist and found I had high blood pressure (duh! FAT!) and an enlarged liver (pre-cirrhotic is what he called it). He put me on water pills and I hated it. I started running with my brother and that helped a lot. Because I ran so much my blood pressure normalized and I found I could still drink...(my post run snack was a six pack of beer and a pack of Marlboro). I even managed to complete the 1994 NYC Marathon with a lot of help from my brother and sister...I still don't remember miles 23 through 25.
But the worst was yet to come...
20 years and counting...(Part one)......
The day I thought would never come is here...the impossible, (or so it seemed back then), has become reality...Today marks 20 years clean and sober from drugs and alcohol and it comes with so much emotion that I am having a hard time grasping the awesome scope of what that means. It's very difficult to explain the roller coaster of drug and alcohol addiction to someone who hasn't gone through it personally, but to not share it with you is selfish because each of you that know me HAS witnessed the roller coaster I was on.
Some of you have only known me as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but have supported me and listened as I shared some terrible truths and stories that I needed to keep alive to keep the disease in front of me...that insidious disease that patiently waits and waits until the pride and overconfidence comes and the guard goes down...("I've got this thing under control, one drink won't hurt") and the roller coaster starts up the hill to the inevitable plummet down the other side. The experts say that when an alcoholic resumes drinking, even slowly, he will return to past behavior in a short period of time.
Some of you have witnessed both sides of my addiction and were unsure of the depths I was sinking because you only saw some of my escapades. I was a skilled liar (NOT) and hid my problems well (NOT) and denied the existence of a drinking problem even after waking up in jail with an almost totaled car, a second DWI (Driving While Intoxicated to those who aren't familiar), court ordered Community Service and court ordered out-patient rehabilitation. Not to mention (although I will) the plethora of vehicles I wrecked in the span of 15 years while drinking. As a "functional" alcoholic I was able to fool (sometimes) my employers and co-workers into thinking I was a recreational drinker.
And there are a few who suffered on the sidelines and watched my fall into the pit and tried to help and counsel me to no avail and stayed there even though I disappointed and hurt them again and again and again. To these precious few I owe the most. They continued to love me even though I stopped loving myself. They kept trying even though I had given up. And they are still in my corner. To all of the aforementioned people above, this milestone is as much your accomplishment as it is mine. I could not have even made it one day without the love and support of all of you. I can never repay all that I owe, except to continue on this journey. My continued sobriety will be my payment to you (and it is woefully inadequate) for all the support and love you have given me in these 20 years.
There are two who know the entire story...the crippling despair, the self-hatred, the hopelessness and the desire to just give up completely, and they are God and me. I am not a church-goer but I am a believer. There is no way I could have done any of this but for the Grace of God. I know Higher Power is the correct terminology (can't force religion on people, you know!) but it is God to me. I have been so blessed by Him that it would take years to explain and the strength He has given me is so awesome. Even through the recent troubles with finances and work that are now settling down, He gave me the strength and resilience to cope with these issues and never allowed the thought of drinking over my troubles to enter the picture. I don't want to sound too preachy, but to deny the existence of God in all that I have been through, in all that He has seen me through, and all the blessings I have received, seems ridiculous to me.
So celebrate OUR victory...Celebrate OUR accomplishment...My love for each and every one of you knows no bounds. My thanks to every one of you. My debt to all of you is eternal and can never be repaid. WE did it! 20 years and counting!!!!!
Some of you have only known me as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but have supported me and listened as I shared some terrible truths and stories that I needed to keep alive to keep the disease in front of me...that insidious disease that patiently waits and waits until the pride and overconfidence comes and the guard goes down...("I've got this thing under control, one drink won't hurt") and the roller coaster starts up the hill to the inevitable plummet down the other side. The experts say that when an alcoholic resumes drinking, even slowly, he will return to past behavior in a short period of time.
Some of you have witnessed both sides of my addiction and were unsure of the depths I was sinking because you only saw some of my escapades. I was a skilled liar (NOT) and hid my problems well (NOT) and denied the existence of a drinking problem even after waking up in jail with an almost totaled car, a second DWI (Driving While Intoxicated to those who aren't familiar), court ordered Community Service and court ordered out-patient rehabilitation. Not to mention (although I will) the plethora of vehicles I wrecked in the span of 15 years while drinking. As a "functional" alcoholic I was able to fool (sometimes) my employers and co-workers into thinking I was a recreational drinker.
And there are a few who suffered on the sidelines and watched my fall into the pit and tried to help and counsel me to no avail and stayed there even though I disappointed and hurt them again and again and again. To these precious few I owe the most. They continued to love me even though I stopped loving myself. They kept trying even though I had given up. And they are still in my corner. To all of the aforementioned people above, this milestone is as much your accomplishment as it is mine. I could not have even made it one day without the love and support of all of you. I can never repay all that I owe, except to continue on this journey. My continued sobriety will be my payment to you (and it is woefully inadequate) for all the support and love you have given me in these 20 years.
There are two who know the entire story...the crippling despair, the self-hatred, the hopelessness and the desire to just give up completely, and they are God and me. I am not a church-goer but I am a believer. There is no way I could have done any of this but for the Grace of God. I know Higher Power is the correct terminology (can't force religion on people, you know!) but it is God to me. I have been so blessed by Him that it would take years to explain and the strength He has given me is so awesome. Even through the recent troubles with finances and work that are now settling down, He gave me the strength and resilience to cope with these issues and never allowed the thought of drinking over my troubles to enter the picture. I don't want to sound too preachy, but to deny the existence of God in all that I have been through, in all that He has seen me through, and all the blessings I have received, seems ridiculous to me.
So celebrate OUR victory...Celebrate OUR accomplishment...My love for each and every one of you knows no bounds. My thanks to every one of you. My debt to all of you is eternal and can never be repaid. WE did it! 20 years and counting!!!!!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
The curse of the mild winter...
I know that most of you will have no sympathy when I tell that this past winter was one of the mildest and wettest in Arizona recorded history, considering the pounding Old Man Winter put on most of the country, but the price is being paid now. Because of the mild temperatures and rainfall (it got to the point where I could remember the last time it rained rather than having to look it up) the cactus and trees are blooming early and we have hit 90 degree days (several in fact) and its only April. And with the blooming...(and the flowers are beautiful on the cacti) comes my old nemesis...pollen. I have been eating an allergy pill every morning for the last two weeks and it seems that there is no end in sight. When I first moved here my seasonal allergies almost completely disappeared except for the occasional dust attacks, but this year that hideous green crap falling from the trees...(yes, we have trees), that coated the cars and streets of New Jersey and New York State is now coating the inside of my nose and throat. If only mucus (gross!) had monetary value...I would be a rich man. So the windows remain closed and the AC is turned on and Old Man Summer begins to rear his ugly head (remember this is Bizarro World where summer is the winter of the Southwest...felt the need for a Seinfeld reference there). If its in the 90's in April, who knows what July and August will bring...(I believe bucket loads of sweat and more heat than a furnace is in my future. God, I love it here!). As I write this at 9:30 am it is a balmy 70 degrees and the highs for the next few days are predicted to be in the mid 80's (must be a cold front moving in). I still firmly believe that a weatherman in Arizona is the easiest job on the planet.
I want to wish everyone a Happy Passover and Happy Easter...(whichever applies). I hope you all are well and enjoy the egg hunts and baskets and family gatherings. As you know I will be celebrating the season on the golf course with a golf marathon on Sunday and Monday, followed by a work-a-thon from Monday until the 18th of April...(next day off). Looking forward to Country Thunder and some really good music...(April 11-12). Anytime I can work with a cowboy hat on is a good time.
April is always a special month for me. It was in April of 1995 that I came back from the dead (or soon to be) and got clean and sober. Yes, if you do the math, this year marks 20 years without drugs and alcohol. I can't believe it to say it and it looks even more unbelievable when I write it. It brings with it a lot of emotions...tears, joy, happiness, shock, disbelief, gratitude and a multitude of others. Sometimes the enormity of it all is overwhelming...I can't describe the hopelessness I felt on Day One back then...(and many, many days after that) I never in my wildest dreams believed that I would be alive this long, let alone be alive and sober. I never believed that I would receive so much support and love from everyone that has given it...I felt so alone then. I never thought that God would forgive me for the life I was leading...but by His grace alone I was able to survive. There are so many people to thank...people that didn't even know they were helping at the time. People who by their example, good or bad, gave me strength or encouraged me to prove them wrong. This will be a personal victory when the 28th rolls along, but there are countless individuals who share in this victory and as the day gets closer I will share some stories about them...right now I have to go because the tears are here and I can't see the computer screen to continue writing. God bless all of you!
I want to wish everyone a Happy Passover and Happy Easter...(whichever applies). I hope you all are well and enjoy the egg hunts and baskets and family gatherings. As you know I will be celebrating the season on the golf course with a golf marathon on Sunday and Monday, followed by a work-a-thon from Monday until the 18th of April...(next day off). Looking forward to Country Thunder and some really good music...(April 11-12). Anytime I can work with a cowboy hat on is a good time.
April is always a special month for me. It was in April of 1995 that I came back from the dead (or soon to be) and got clean and sober. Yes, if you do the math, this year marks 20 years without drugs and alcohol. I can't believe it to say it and it looks even more unbelievable when I write it. It brings with it a lot of emotions...tears, joy, happiness, shock, disbelief, gratitude and a multitude of others. Sometimes the enormity of it all is overwhelming...I can't describe the hopelessness I felt on Day One back then...(and many, many days after that) I never in my wildest dreams believed that I would be alive this long, let alone be alive and sober. I never believed that I would receive so much support and love from everyone that has given it...I felt so alone then. I never thought that God would forgive me for the life I was leading...but by His grace alone I was able to survive. There are so many people to thank...people that didn't even know they were helping at the time. People who by their example, good or bad, gave me strength or encouraged me to prove them wrong. This will be a personal victory when the 28th rolls along, but there are countless individuals who share in this victory and as the day gets closer I will share some stories about them...right now I have to go because the tears are here and I can't see the computer screen to continue writing. God bless all of you!
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Cable be damned!!!
I have had it with cable TV! I know I'm not the only one who fells this way, but this is my blog and I will not be silent. I signed up for Direct TV for the free NFL package they offered back in 2013. I overdosed on football that year and realized I was not really interested in THAT much football...in fact I was not that interested in television anymore. I did some research and found that the shows I do watch are all available on Hulu or Netflix and I found a couple websites that I can stream live sports from my computer to my TV... all for a lot less than cable. When I tried to cancel my service and get that ugly dish removed from my balcony, I was told it would be $200 to do so. So I cut my subscription to "basic" and they still charge me $45 dollars a month and took ALL the sports networks away...(no ESPN or anything!). So the countdown has begun. August 8, 2015 is the day I shed my shackles to cable TV. I have internet service from my phone company, I will subscribe to Hulu or Netflix and will live free from the tyranny of useless television. Can I get an AMEN!? I can't wait to tell Direct TV to cancel my subscription and get that ugly thing off my balcony! It's good to have goals...
Thanks to Cousin Anna for the updates on Uncle Charlie...I am glad he is feeling better and was able to go home and I pray that they will be able to find a service to help Aunt Joan care for him. It sucks that after all he has done in his life...served in the military during WWII including being a prisoner of war, being a dedicated educator and dean of a college, that services he needs now are not available to him without tremendous personal cost. I know the VA is in turmoil, but something has to be done to pay back those veterans who put their lives on the line to keep us free. What the hell has happened to our priorities in this world? We pay athletes and movie stars millions to play a game and make movies, but our teachers, police and firemen are woefully underpaid. Politicians get healthcare for life and ridiculous pensions while the homeless ranks keep swelling and and we pay for healthcare that doesn't cover necessities? We live in the greatest country in the world and we feed others better than our own people...It's more important to develop a better phone than it is to find a cure for cancer and other diseases...(Don't get me started on this...there IS a cure but the drug companies won't give up their profits to allow us to have it!) We can instant message around the world but we can't cure the common cold? WTF!
A reminder to all...(and especially me) that this is Holy Week coming up culminating with Easter Sunday next week. I hope that people will remember the message of God's ultimate sacrifice for all of us in between the sales and Easter Egg hunts. I hope that the Cadbury Bunny doesn't replace Jesus Christ as the symbol of Easter. I also want to wish a Happy Passover to my Jewish friends and pray they will honor the occasion which I am sure they will. Even though I do not attend a "regular" church, I keep communication with my "Higher Power" at a high level and hope that he will continue to bless me. Thanks for letting me rant. This blog is quite therapeutic. The best to one and all!
Thanks to Cousin Anna for the updates on Uncle Charlie...I am glad he is feeling better and was able to go home and I pray that they will be able to find a service to help Aunt Joan care for him. It sucks that after all he has done in his life...served in the military during WWII including being a prisoner of war, being a dedicated educator and dean of a college, that services he needs now are not available to him without tremendous personal cost. I know the VA is in turmoil, but something has to be done to pay back those veterans who put their lives on the line to keep us free. What the hell has happened to our priorities in this world? We pay athletes and movie stars millions to play a game and make movies, but our teachers, police and firemen are woefully underpaid. Politicians get healthcare for life and ridiculous pensions while the homeless ranks keep swelling and and we pay for healthcare that doesn't cover necessities? We live in the greatest country in the world and we feed others better than our own people...It's more important to develop a better phone than it is to find a cure for cancer and other diseases...(Don't get me started on this...there IS a cure but the drug companies won't give up their profits to allow us to have it!) We can instant message around the world but we can't cure the common cold? WTF!
A reminder to all...(and especially me) that this is Holy Week coming up culminating with Easter Sunday next week. I hope that people will remember the message of God's ultimate sacrifice for all of us in between the sales and Easter Egg hunts. I hope that the Cadbury Bunny doesn't replace Jesus Christ as the symbol of Easter. I also want to wish a Happy Passover to my Jewish friends and pray they will honor the occasion which I am sure they will. Even though I do not attend a "regular" church, I keep communication with my "Higher Power" at a high level and hope that he will continue to bless me. Thanks for letting me rant. This blog is quite therapeutic. The best to one and all!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Catching up (it's what I do)...
Hard to believe is been a month since my last venture into blogdom... here it is the end of March and the Boys of Summer will be leaving and Opening Day of baseball is upon us. Heck, even Easter is right around the corner coming early this year. I will be celebrating Easter in the traditional (my tradition) way at the greatest non-denominational church there is...the GOLF course, or as I like to call it, the Church of the Immaculate Fairways...What better way to celebrate Jesus' triumphant rise from the dead then to walk in the beauty of nature, outside, and spend quality time with my golfing friends (and hopefully not use the the Lord's name in vain during the round...). Eric from Jersey will be coming out to a convention in Phoenix that week and will be joining me in the Easter 18 (or 27 or 36 depending on how tired he is). We also have a sunrise celebration planned for Easter Monday (a tee time around 6:30 or so) before he gives his presentation on Monday afternoon. Always great to entertain another golf fanatic like Eric...(and thanks to him for the tip last time he was here).
As for me, I have been working my new shift...(and LOVING IT!) and been working a couple days at the Convention Center to help out and make some extra cash. I miss the events and don't plan to work too much but the a-holic in me gets in the way...(work-a-holic that is). I have been sleeping much better since the shift change and my boss at the Convention Center refuses to wear me out with hours...(we'll see if she can keep her word). For now I am working one day during the week (5 hrs.) and the occasional weekend day (this Saturday I am teaching the unarmed guard card class). Last week I worked a shift at the Waste Management Nuclear Waste Convention...(no actual radioactive material was present) and had a ball greeting people from all over the world...I will be jammed on April however with overtime at Desert Highlands (April 4), Eric's visit for work, Country Thunder Music Festival (April 11 and 12) and then the Ultimate Women's Expo at the end of April...(so much for not working too much...I am such a work hound!). Country Thunder will be great music and working security at a smokeless tobacco booth on the grounds with my buddy Redneck Chuck from Texas...lots of hours but not a lot of work. Should make for some interesting blogs... and the Ultimate Women's Expo? around 5,000 women and me. Need I say more?
I want to wish my friend Pat from Freehold a belated and well deserved Happy Birthday!!! yesterday. I hope she had a great day and am sorry for missing the actual day. Pat has been a faithful reader of these blogs from day one (why? I have no clue...he he). Love you, Pat! And to all those who continue to follow these rantings for the desert Southwest, I thank you for your support and will continue as long as I am able (that could be construed as good news or bad!). Stay warm winter sufferers...talk to you soon.
As for me, I have been working my new shift...(and LOVING IT!) and been working a couple days at the Convention Center to help out and make some extra cash. I miss the events and don't plan to work too much but the a-holic in me gets in the way...(work-a-holic that is). I have been sleeping much better since the shift change and my boss at the Convention Center refuses to wear me out with hours...(we'll see if she can keep her word). For now I am working one day during the week (5 hrs.) and the occasional weekend day (this Saturday I am teaching the unarmed guard card class). Last week I worked a shift at the Waste Management Nuclear Waste Convention...(no actual radioactive material was present) and had a ball greeting people from all over the world...I will be jammed on April however with overtime at Desert Highlands (April 4), Eric's visit for work, Country Thunder Music Festival (April 11 and 12) and then the Ultimate Women's Expo at the end of April...(so much for not working too much...I am such a work hound!). Country Thunder will be great music and working security at a smokeless tobacco booth on the grounds with my buddy Redneck Chuck from Texas...lots of hours but not a lot of work. Should make for some interesting blogs... and the Ultimate Women's Expo? around 5,000 women and me. Need I say more?
I want to wish my friend Pat from Freehold a belated and well deserved Happy Birthday!!! yesterday. I hope she had a great day and am sorry for missing the actual day. Pat has been a faithful reader of these blogs from day one (why? I have no clue...he he). Love you, Pat! And to all those who continue to follow these rantings for the desert Southwest, I thank you for your support and will continue as long as I am able (that could be construed as good news or bad!). Stay warm winter sufferers...talk to you soon.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Hope springs eternal...
What is it about the return of baseball that always excites the baseball fan? Is it the promise of better weather with spring and summer hovering around the corner? Is it the excitement of a return to cheering for a team that has revamped itself with free-agent signings or trades over the winter? Or is it the hope that this is finally the year that answers the "wait til next year" question? For me, spring and summer have a more deeper meaning...plenty of sunshine and hot, hot, hot! My teams did not revamp themselves with trades and blockbuster free-agent signings and to tell the truth, the Arizona Diamondbacks (team by adoption) looks to have a pretty dismal year. The Mets...the poster children for "wait til next year" (or more like "not in my lifetime") are relying on the Yankee formula (why not copy a team that has produced 27 World Championships) of bringing young players up from the farm system and sprinkling in some decent veterans. The Mets hopes all rely on a treasure trove of young pitchers many of whom have not produced in the majors but are ranked very high in baseball's top prospect lists.
The key is the return of Matt Harvey from Tommy John surgery, who missed all of last year but made a spectacular debut in 2013. Until he went down with the elbow injury, he was leading the majors in strikeouts, was a Cy Young candidate, and started the All Star Game for the National League. Zack Wheeler and Jacob DeGrom (NL Rookie of the Year) return from last year and the best prospect is still in the minor leagues... Veterans Jon Niese and Dillon Gee and very veteran (42) Bartolo Colon return to give the Mets a ton of starting pitching. The closer is also returning from an injury (Bobby Parnell), but the bullpen is also a solid group. The problem will be where the heck will run support will come from...Curtis Granderson stunk up the place last year, David Wright is returning from shoulder surgery, our catcher is a light hitting one and we don't have a proven shortstop...This is where the hope springs eternal part comes in. The addition of John Mayberry Jr. and Michael Cuddyer (can he hit at sea level after a great year in Denver) isn't scaring anyone in our division. But the Phillies are old and the Braves have traded away some important players so the Mets have a chance to do something. There are too many question marks as to how the team will shape up, but that's the joy of being a fan...with each spring there comes the hope that this will be the year that the team makes a run for the playoffs...(although if they could play some meaningful games in August and September, that would be great).
Stay warm, East Coast and all of you struggling through another tough winter...spring and summer are just around the corner... The Boys of Summer are back!
The key is the return of Matt Harvey from Tommy John surgery, who missed all of last year but made a spectacular debut in 2013. Until he went down with the elbow injury, he was leading the majors in strikeouts, was a Cy Young candidate, and started the All Star Game for the National League. Zack Wheeler and Jacob DeGrom (NL Rookie of the Year) return from last year and the best prospect is still in the minor leagues... Veterans Jon Niese and Dillon Gee and very veteran (42) Bartolo Colon return to give the Mets a ton of starting pitching. The closer is also returning from an injury (Bobby Parnell), but the bullpen is also a solid group. The problem will be where the heck will run support will come from...Curtis Granderson stunk up the place last year, David Wright is returning from shoulder surgery, our catcher is a light hitting one and we don't have a proven shortstop...This is where the hope springs eternal part comes in. The addition of John Mayberry Jr. and Michael Cuddyer (can he hit at sea level after a great year in Denver) isn't scaring anyone in our division. But the Phillies are old and the Braves have traded away some important players so the Mets have a chance to do something. There are too many question marks as to how the team will shape up, but that's the joy of being a fan...with each spring there comes the hope that this will be the year that the team makes a run for the playoffs...(although if they could play some meaningful games in August and September, that would be great).
Stay warm, East Coast and all of you struggling through another tough winter...spring and summer are just around the corner... The Boys of Summer are back!
Monday, February 16, 2015
The first week back in the land of the living...
There is nothing like a couple days off to recharge the batteries and clear the cobwebs from an addled brain...and the fact that it was a weekend (a REAL weekend) made it all the better. I got some time to re-establish my sleep cycle to a more normal one...I am averaging 7-9 hours of sleep (guess that night shift took more of a toll than I thought). I want to see if I can get back to around 6 hours as daylight savings time (for all the rest of you, that is) comes back on March 8 this year...(I Googled it). The earlier sunrise presents more opportunity for tee times during the week and I plan on taking advantage of it. I played golf yesterday afternoon in shorts as it was 75 degrees and a bit cloudy...(I also saw that the temperature was 5 degrees in New York City for the NBA All-Star game...Sorry). I had several very good shots including an almost hole-in-one on one par 3 (the ball rested less than a foot from the cup) but the bad shots were terrifically bad and the need for practice never was more evident. So I am taking an hiatus from playing on the course...except for next Sunday when Eric comes to town... (which is easy because prices are still very high) and will focus myself on improving my fundamentals through practice. I still can't putt worth a damn, Victor, so working on the greens can't be a bad idea.
Spring training is right around the corner and the Boys of Summer will be returning to the Valley. My Mets will be in Florida and I have been reading their website and MLB.com to see if maybe this year I can watch a full season of baseball. Most years they are out of it by the All-Star Game (July) but they have a good group of young pitchers who could make it interesting in Queens this summer. Tentative plans are in the works for a summer trip back to the New York area this year, but there are many things that need to fall in place for that to happen. I will keep you posted on the progress of that. In the meantime, back here, my adopted Diamondbacks are probably going to stink the place up as everyone in their division (except the Colorado Rockies) has reloaded with players while the Dbacks have not...(so it looks like tickets will be available as most fans will be disguised as empty seats at Chase Field). The Mets come into Arizona for four games in early June including a weekend so I will save my pennies and get downtown to see my beloved (and extremely exasperating) Mets play.
I am liking this new shift very much...my ability to communicate with human beings is returning nicely as I see many during the day now...Have a great day and I will continue my return to the airways (internet style) very soon.
Spring training is right around the corner and the Boys of Summer will be returning to the Valley. My Mets will be in Florida and I have been reading their website and MLB.com to see if maybe this year I can watch a full season of baseball. Most years they are out of it by the All-Star Game (July) but they have a good group of young pitchers who could make it interesting in Queens this summer. Tentative plans are in the works for a summer trip back to the New York area this year, but there are many things that need to fall in place for that to happen. I will keep you posted on the progress of that. In the meantime, back here, my adopted Diamondbacks are probably going to stink the place up as everyone in their division (except the Colorado Rockies) has reloaded with players while the Dbacks have not...(so it looks like tickets will be available as most fans will be disguised as empty seats at Chase Field). The Mets come into Arizona for four games in early June including a weekend so I will save my pennies and get downtown to see my beloved (and extremely exasperating) Mets play.
I am liking this new shift very much...my ability to communicate with human beings is returning nicely as I see many during the day now...Have a great day and I will continue my return to the airways (internet style) very soon.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
What a difference a day makes....
As the title suggests, the end of an era and beginning of an extremely positive change has occurred...the vampire of the graveyard shift is now a day-walker (thanks to the movie Blade). Yesterday was the first time since I started at Desert Highlands that I began a shift and went home on the same day and it was fantastic. I slept like a baby last night...(except for the wetting the bed part) and I am looking forward to today's adventures. There is nothing like watching a sunset while cruising around a beautifully landscaped property (I actually get to see the property) and talking to living, breathing people instead of wild animals...(not that I talk to wild animals...God, I was working nights too long). I was a little apprehensive about the change, but I believed that it would be good and I have no reason not to believe that it was the right time and place to make that change.
Now that my sleep cycle will be returning to a more manageable time slot, there are plans in the works to finally get this old, out-of-shape carcass that I inhabit back into looking like something I want to walk around in...(and that may actually attract a mate...Jeez, there's the wild animal thing again) and may be pleasant enough for women to find appealing...(that sounds better). I have blown the dust off the gym membership card and have taken the clothes off the Total Gym and returned them to the closet where they belong...(I am actually writing this blog between sets...good boy!) and the long arduous task has begun...I foresee many days ahead of total body soreness and I couldn't be happier. This is the part of my addictive personality that comes in handy...when I get started and the endorphin production starts, I tend to stick with it...I just need to approach it the way I did with running...drag myself out the door and do it. Once I got on the road, I didn't want to stop running and I feel the same way working out. I just need to take it easy so that I don't overdo it...(which is the part of the addictive personality that doesn't come in handy). And as my history tells us, I can certainly do the "overdoing" part...(see 2 knee procedures and 2 DWIs).
So that is the plan...more to come on many fronts. Please stay tuned and have a great day!
Now that my sleep cycle will be returning to a more manageable time slot, there are plans in the works to finally get this old, out-of-shape carcass that I inhabit back into looking like something I want to walk around in...(and that may actually attract a mate...Jeez, there's the wild animal thing again) and may be pleasant enough for women to find appealing...(that sounds better). I have blown the dust off the gym membership card and have taken the clothes off the Total Gym and returned them to the closet where they belong...(I am actually writing this blog between sets...good boy!) and the long arduous task has begun...I foresee many days ahead of total body soreness and I couldn't be happier. This is the part of my addictive personality that comes in handy...when I get started and the endorphin production starts, I tend to stick with it...I just need to approach it the way I did with running...drag myself out the door and do it. Once I got on the road, I didn't want to stop running and I feel the same way working out. I just need to take it easy so that I don't overdo it...(which is the part of the addictive personality that doesn't come in handy). And as my history tells us, I can certainly do the "overdoing" part...(see 2 knee procedures and 2 DWIs).
So that is the plan...more to come on many fronts. Please stay tuned and have a great day!
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Returning to the "land of the living"...
Today I bid farewell to the overnight shift, aka the graveyard, and tomorrow embark on working with sunglasses, sunscreen, and people as I move to second shift... (2pm-10pm). The graveyard took its toll (I never really got the sleep thing right) and not being around people left me too much time in my own head...(and we know how dangerous THAT can be!). Working second shift seems to go a little faster (in the space time continuum that exists in my head---told you it was dangerous in there) as the access gate is busier, there is more actual work to be done, and believe it or not dealing with the membership is not as horrible as I was led to believe...and even though there will be more rattlesnake calls as the weather gets warmer, it's much easier to see the little buggers in the daylight.
There are adjustments I will have to make...the waving to the members as I drive around, actually staying on one side of the road and watching out for pedestrians and other cars, stopping at stop signs and engaging in conversation (all skills not really a part of being a "vampire" security guard). But, going in and getting out on the same day will be nice...it will greatly improve my knowledge of what day it actually is, rather than counting how many shirts I've worn to determine the day of the week...(yes, that was my system). The major bonus is having Saturdays and Sundays off for the first time since I started working security in 2009 and the overtime train will not be running as much as it has in the past as we finally hired another officer to free up other people to pile on the hours. So, after today (and tonight...working 2pm-2am), it back to some semblance of a normal existence. Let the return to sanity (as much as I can expect being who I am) begin!
On a serious note, I am thankful to the cousins who have kept me up on Uncle Charlie's condition as he recovers in the rehabilitation center in Pennsylvania. It is good to see that he is making progress and is gaining back his strength and the uniqueness that is Uncle Charlie...Much love and prayers to Aunt Joan as she battles Mother Nature to make the trek to see him. I do not miss the joy of travelling by car in winter ice and snow and I pray the weather cooperates as it seldom does in wintertime... Prayers also to the family and friends who are obviously concerned with Charlie's well-being...Speedy recovery, Uncle Charlie...God Bless you and the family.
I would also like to send well wishes and prayers out to Loretta who is struggling with shoulder issues (man, I suck at keeping in touch, don't I?). I hope everything works out for you, darlin'!.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Welcome to the Jungle...
Welcome to the jungle...Arizona is in the midst of dealing with what New Jersey Shore residents deal with on a grander scale. For the last 3 weeks and culminating with the "Big Game" (whatever happened to the Super Bowl?) on Sunday night, we (Arizona) have been inundated with a crush of media, fans, snow birds (they are always here anyway but they seem to have multiplied), band wagon jumpers, golf fans, concert goers and numerous celebrities (real and imagined). This week in particular we have had the NFL All-Star Game (the former Pro Bowl which was a joke to begin with and now is a complete embarrassment), the Waste Management Phoenix Open Golf tournament is in full swing this weekend (Tuesday through Sunday), the NFL Experience is in the Convention Center, 12 blocks of downtown Phoenix is blocked off for the outdoor NFL block party, there are separate goings on in Old Town Scottsdale and Glendale around the Stadium and surrounding areas, and of course, the Big Game on Sunday. Traffic, which is chaotic at best in good weather, is even worse thanks to rain and chilly conditions the past few days...(sorry, Northeast, I know it way worse out there...). But the good news is it will all be over by the end of next week and sunshine will again reign supreme and Arizona's business and hotel industries and shops will have a very good influx of cash.
So, for the time being, I have put a freeze on any large purchases or basically any purchases at all until the price gouging and "sales" return to normal...I am really looking forward to the exodus of New England Patriot (aka the Cheaters) fans and the team in particular...having them in my state makes my skin crawl. I am really hoping for a repeat of last year and a Seattle Seahawk rout of the hated Patriots...it sucks that I must root for a team that is in the division of my adopted Arizona Cardinals, but I have hated the Patriots for a much longer time than I have liked the Cardinals. So GO SEAHAWKS on Sunday!
As usual, I will be working Sunday night, but I hope we can stream the game on the work computer...it's going to be a busy weekend at Desert Highlands with Super Bowl parties and golf fans at the golf tournament...already dealt with several drunks last night and it was only the first round. I will be back with a recap of local stories in the weekend. Enjoy the Super Bowl and party safely...and to all the media and fans for the game...Go home and bother someone else!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
The year that was...the year that will be... (Part 2)
Welcome back...let me state first and foremost that these blogs are not intended to generate sympathy or pity or anything like that. This is how I process setbacks and failures and it gives me the ability to move on from them. There are many people in the same situation and many more in much dire straits and how we deal with the situation determines whether or not we can successful meet and beat the challenges put in front of us...
History will repeat itself if you allow it to...Coping mechanisms are great and mine have survived 20 years (God willing in April 2015) in my personal battle against drugs and alcohol... But coping mechanisms are reactions to setbacks. In order to change the outcome of repeated behaviors you must change your thinking and become proactive to prevent the behaviors from occurring...It was in November of last year that I was introduced (through a very good friend of mine out here) to a company called Life Leadership. It is a leadership and personal development company that sells CDs, DVDs, and books based on the subjects of Faith, Family, Friendship, Finances, Fellowship, Fitness, Freedom and Fun. Their products are written by successful people who have been through the hard times and have achieved success in life by reading, listening to CDs, associating with successful people and implementing the teaching to change their approach to life. The message is inspirational and the advice and techniques are proven...The fact that it is faith based appealed to me also because they don't preach one faith but teach you to embrace God in whatever you believe. The major theme is develop a better you by personal development and then spread the message with your success. The group is ultra-positive, ultra helpful and the team concept surrounds you with successful people helping you to succeed. There is a home based business opportunity if that's the way you want to go. I tried the Financial Fitness CDs and books and since November I have saved more money than I have in the past 5 years just by changing my view and implementing some techniques. They teach you things that traditional schooling doesn't...practical things that help you make an educated choice, rather than choices that have not worked in the past,...(God knows I made a lot of those). I call it the Encyclopedia Britannica of the 21st century...good information at your fingertips to make a difference in your life. Change your thinking and you become proactive to prevent the setbacks and build on the positive...
So, I was really looking forward to 2015 as a fresh start...and I got sick again! Very bad cold that hung around for 2 and a half weeks...but again I survived. Note to self...flu shot next year. And in the spirit of change...(change is good if it's a positive move), I am returning to the land of the living at work. One of our officers on the 2pm-10pm shift is leaving next week and I am taking it over. The major appeal is that I will have Saturday and Sunday off for the first time since 2009. It still allows me the chance to play golf in the morning and gets me back to sleeping at night and getting sunshine during the day. I am very psyched to be able to deal with the living again...plus there is ample opportunity for more adventures during the evening shift.
On a more serious note, I wish to send many, many prayers to Uncle Charlie and Aunt Joan as they deal with Charlie's recovery in Pennsylvania (told you there were people with more dire concerns). I know that God will watch over them and I hope his recovery is swift and complete. I also send good wishes and prayers to all members of the family as they deal with this. God Bless all of you and keep you in his protection.
Thanks for reading along...I am on the road to recovery myself...my health has returned, my attitude is changing for the better, I have a new adventure at work...Life is good again and 2015 is going to be SPECTACULAR!
History will repeat itself if you allow it to...Coping mechanisms are great and mine have survived 20 years (God willing in April 2015) in my personal battle against drugs and alcohol... But coping mechanisms are reactions to setbacks. In order to change the outcome of repeated behaviors you must change your thinking and become proactive to prevent the behaviors from occurring...It was in November of last year that I was introduced (through a very good friend of mine out here) to a company called Life Leadership. It is a leadership and personal development company that sells CDs, DVDs, and books based on the subjects of Faith, Family, Friendship, Finances, Fellowship, Fitness, Freedom and Fun. Their products are written by successful people who have been through the hard times and have achieved success in life by reading, listening to CDs, associating with successful people and implementing the teaching to change their approach to life. The message is inspirational and the advice and techniques are proven...The fact that it is faith based appealed to me also because they don't preach one faith but teach you to embrace God in whatever you believe. The major theme is develop a better you by personal development and then spread the message with your success. The group is ultra-positive, ultra helpful and the team concept surrounds you with successful people helping you to succeed. There is a home based business opportunity if that's the way you want to go. I tried the Financial Fitness CDs and books and since November I have saved more money than I have in the past 5 years just by changing my view and implementing some techniques. They teach you things that traditional schooling doesn't...practical things that help you make an educated choice, rather than choices that have not worked in the past,...(God knows I made a lot of those). I call it the Encyclopedia Britannica of the 21st century...good information at your fingertips to make a difference in your life. Change your thinking and you become proactive to prevent the setbacks and build on the positive...
So, I was really looking forward to 2015 as a fresh start...and I got sick again! Very bad cold that hung around for 2 and a half weeks...but again I survived. Note to self...flu shot next year. And in the spirit of change...(change is good if it's a positive move), I am returning to the land of the living at work. One of our officers on the 2pm-10pm shift is leaving next week and I am taking it over. The major appeal is that I will have Saturday and Sunday off for the first time since 2009. It still allows me the chance to play golf in the morning and gets me back to sleeping at night and getting sunshine during the day. I am very psyched to be able to deal with the living again...plus there is ample opportunity for more adventures during the evening shift.
On a more serious note, I wish to send many, many prayers to Uncle Charlie and Aunt Joan as they deal with Charlie's recovery in Pennsylvania (told you there were people with more dire concerns). I know that God will watch over them and I hope his recovery is swift and complete. I also send good wishes and prayers to all members of the family as they deal with this. God Bless all of you and keep you in his protection.
Thanks for reading along...I am on the road to recovery myself...my health has returned, my attitude is changing for the better, I have a new adventure at work...Life is good again and 2015 is going to be SPECTACULAR!
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
The year that was...the year that will be...(Part 1)
Here it is the end of January of 2015 and this is the first time I am communicating to you about what's been going on in my world. My lack of communication with you is inexcusable and highly out of character for me, (saying I have the gift of gab would be a nice way to put it), which is why I have made some wholesale changes for this coming year.
The reason I moved to Arizona 6 years ago (yes, it has been 6 years) was to reclaim or regenerate or recreate a semblance of life without work being the central be all and end all. As a rabid workaholic that was not going to be an easy thing especially working the type of jobs I wanted to work. I have no regrets entering the the security field as there were many very cool events and many very interesting stories that I have shared with you along the way...I really believe that I have found a "career" that is suited to my unique qualifications...(if they ever find out the truth I'm doomed!) Just kidding. The problem occurred when the year 2014 came along.
Everybody has had a bad day, a bad week, a bad quarter or a down year (in business), but I suffered the worst possible year I can imagine. The year started off with my filing for bankruptcy protection against my creditors (poor lifestyle choices aka living beyond my means finally caught up with me) in January 2014...I am still paying off the principle but the interest payments that were choking me are gone. I have not shared this with anyone (a select few knew) before because of embarrassment and pride (or lack thereof) and I am not sharing it now so that a fundraiser can be started to bail me out like GM or Ford. I am sharing it because I need to say it out loud so that the process to recover from it can continue...I cannot internalize problems because they become bigger and bigger and my mechanism for dealing with it in the past was destructive (drinking and drugging). I am dealing with with it and am happy to report that I finally have a hand on my finances and like everything else, I will come through this...
The financial debacle was followed by what I call the "mystery" illness of 2014. I was sick with "something" (that is the final determination of 2 doctors and 3 specialists) that attacked my immune system and caused all sorts of physical problems...for 4 months I was poked, prodded, tested, MRIed, Ct scanned and had enough blood drawn to sustain a colony of vampires...not to mention that my bank account (the little that was left) was being sucked dry. All the doctors could tell me was what I DIDN'T have...NOT valley fever, hepatitis, liver disease (miraculously), kidney failure, cancer (very scary moments during those tests). On top of that, my neck and shoulders hurt so badly even the chiropractor couldn't help. All the medications they tried didn't work until I started self-medicating with Dollar Store Ibuprofen...The ibuprofen worked and after receiving a series of injections in my neck and spine, I began to feel better around the middle of May...
The "not sharing", the sickness, the worry about finances and my usual remedy (working like a dog) caused me to become a bit of a hermit...(I only wrote 5 blogs in 2014 and none until September). I was working 56 to 64 hours a week and sleeping the rest of the time. I stayed at home and rarely went out with friends. I wasn't playing golf as often . I had forgotten my training...I was falling back into habits I thought were gone a long time ago. I realized (I always knew but you never want to admit it) that addiction was never going to give up trying to get me back...it was counting on me to wallow in self-pity and poor me's to the point where I would resume long lost behavior. It was a very difficult time for me, but then I thought of all of you out there and how selfish I was being shutting you out of my life...my safety net and support was still out there and all I needed to do was open up and let you in...I needed to let you know. I didn't want to burden you with my crap (you all have crap of your own and probably worse crap than mine). Wow, a three crap sentence! But an addict has to share...an alcoholic has to share...and I have to share. It was then in November of last year that the turn around began...
to be continued...
The reason I moved to Arizona 6 years ago (yes, it has been 6 years) was to reclaim or regenerate or recreate a semblance of life without work being the central be all and end all. As a rabid workaholic that was not going to be an easy thing especially working the type of jobs I wanted to work. I have no regrets entering the the security field as there were many very cool events and many very interesting stories that I have shared with you along the way...I really believe that I have found a "career" that is suited to my unique qualifications...(if they ever find out the truth I'm doomed!) Just kidding. The problem occurred when the year 2014 came along.
Everybody has had a bad day, a bad week, a bad quarter or a down year (in business), but I suffered the worst possible year I can imagine. The year started off with my filing for bankruptcy protection against my creditors (poor lifestyle choices aka living beyond my means finally caught up with me) in January 2014...I am still paying off the principle but the interest payments that were choking me are gone. I have not shared this with anyone (a select few knew) before because of embarrassment and pride (or lack thereof) and I am not sharing it now so that a fundraiser can be started to bail me out like GM or Ford. I am sharing it because I need to say it out loud so that the process to recover from it can continue...I cannot internalize problems because they become bigger and bigger and my mechanism for dealing with it in the past was destructive (drinking and drugging). I am dealing with with it and am happy to report that I finally have a hand on my finances and like everything else, I will come through this...
The financial debacle was followed by what I call the "mystery" illness of 2014. I was sick with "something" (that is the final determination of 2 doctors and 3 specialists) that attacked my immune system and caused all sorts of physical problems...for 4 months I was poked, prodded, tested, MRIed, Ct scanned and had enough blood drawn to sustain a colony of vampires...not to mention that my bank account (the little that was left) was being sucked dry. All the doctors could tell me was what I DIDN'T have...NOT valley fever, hepatitis, liver disease (miraculously), kidney failure, cancer (very scary moments during those tests). On top of that, my neck and shoulders hurt so badly even the chiropractor couldn't help. All the medications they tried didn't work until I started self-medicating with Dollar Store Ibuprofen...The ibuprofen worked and after receiving a series of injections in my neck and spine, I began to feel better around the middle of May...
The "not sharing", the sickness, the worry about finances and my usual remedy (working like a dog) caused me to become a bit of a hermit...(I only wrote 5 blogs in 2014 and none until September). I was working 56 to 64 hours a week and sleeping the rest of the time. I stayed at home and rarely went out with friends. I wasn't playing golf as often . I had forgotten my training...I was falling back into habits I thought were gone a long time ago. I realized (I always knew but you never want to admit it) that addiction was never going to give up trying to get me back...it was counting on me to wallow in self-pity and poor me's to the point where I would resume long lost behavior. It was a very difficult time for me, but then I thought of all of you out there and how selfish I was being shutting you out of my life...my safety net and support was still out there and all I needed to do was open up and let you in...I needed to let you know. I didn't want to burden you with my crap (you all have crap of your own and probably worse crap than mine). Wow, a three crap sentence! But an addict has to share...an alcoholic has to share...and I have to share. It was then in November of last year that the turn around began...
to be continued...
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