It's been too long...

     It's been too long since I last spoke at you...(you know I like these one-sided conversations).  Much has gone on since I wished you all Happy Easter back on April 6...but the real reason I needed to reach out occurred last Friday at the Glenn Beck happening at Symphony Hall.  You all know that I work security because of the unique opportunity to meet interesting people, but Friday night is the quintessential example of why I do what I do.  The following story is true and I have the witnesses to prove it.

     Glenn Beck, the controversial radio and television personality, was coming to Symphony Hall for a show.  We met with his personal security and were going to do wanding and bag searching and weapon searches for the event.  I had my crew and post orders and we were all searching and wanding for weapons (many knives were taken to coat check that night).  It got backed up and eventually the client relented and we just did bag searches to get the people in because if we didn't the show would have been delayed.  The show began and we had 4 guards along the stage, 1 by the dressing rooms, 1 in the lobby and myself roaming the entire venue.  Around 9 pm, I received a text from Mr. Beck's security team asking me to go up to the balcony and handle some hecklers.  I went up there, warned them that this was not tolerated and they calmed down.  Then my guard downstairs calls me on the radio ad says she needs me to come to her.  "What's the problem?, I'm up in the balcony", I return.  "A patron just accused our guard of being a vampire."  ?????? Hold on, I couldn't have heard that right.  I retreated out to the hall and asked her to repeat the message.  "A patron just accused our guard of being a vampire." I'm busy, quit fooling around.  "I'm serious and she just hit someone else."  I headed down to investigate and I am met at the door by a man who says "you have to help me, I can't control her, she's drunk".  I walk in and this blond woman is gesturing to my guard and he points to me.  She turns and I wave her to me.  "You have to let me on stage...I have to save Glenn Beck from the vampires and werewolves in the audience".  She is wild-eyed and totally serious and way beyond drunk... (as you know, I KNOW what drunk looks like...I saw it in the mirror every day for 20+ years).   She is circling the planet on some kind of drugs and alcohol mix.  I turn to the boyfriend and tell him "we need to talk out in the hall".  I take her gently by the arm and tell her I need to talk to her outside.  As we ascended the stairs to the lobby area, she rips her arm away and starts chasing two people down the hall saying, "you two are so obvious, you know you are, and you're not going to get away with it!"  I tell the boyfriend that he better bring her back here now or my next call is to PD and they are both going to jail.  He manages to drag her back over to me and she grabs my jacket and repeats over and over "you have to close your eyes, that's how they get you!"
 
     After she refuses to be quiet, I tell her... "I will close my eyes, but you need to shut the f%^$ up right now while I talk to your friend here."  Both of them shut up and I tell him that he has ten seconds to take her and exit the building before the police get involved.  It took them 4 seconds...My phone goes off. It's Beck's security. "What was her problem?"  She needed to save Glenn Beck from the vampires and werewolves in the audience.  "Are you serious?" Absolutely...she accused my guard of being one of them. "Jeez, that's one for the record books."  I agreed. You'll never have a better story than this one.  She's outside right now howling at the moon.  "What?" Just kidding...lol.  I go down to the dressing room area and tell the event manager about my "ejection" and he just stares at me. It's all true, I said.  I also relate the story to the cop at the dressing room door (I will relate this story to everyone, it's too good not to share).  The cop asks for a description.  I tell him medium height, late 20s, blond, dress, on the chunky side...(sorry, is big boned better?).  He gets on his radio.  "We picked her up outside accusing people of being vampires...she was on xanax and washed it down with some booze."

     So after I share the rest of the story with my guards, my boss calls and I tell her the story...I also tell her that Sunday was going to be my last day as a security guard.  "What?" I told her that I would never be able to top this story, so it was time to move on to a new career (just kidding). I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing about it.  What a great night!!