This is not going to be a pleasant romp for those of you who are living vicariously through me or those of you who are following me through this blog... I have descended into a funk brought on by my job and need to get a few things off my chest. There will be a happy ending... I just haven't written it yet.
As all of you know, I stumbled upon this line of work (event security) in 2009 answering an ad to work at a golf tournament. It became apparent to me right away that I was good at this...interacting with people at events while making sure they followed the rules of the events. I moved quickly up to a supervisory position and expanded into a second company in the same capacity. I really enjoyed the work and the opportunities it provided to see and experience events I couldn't afford to go to. Which brings me to my current situation. The past two months have worn me out both physically and mentally and there appears to be no end in sight. In the eight weeks of 2012, I have been on the job over 480 hours...(the 40 hour a week employee would have worked 320, not counting the holidays they have off). It hurts just writing down the numbers and most of it is my own doing... (the inability to say no) but it has exacted a toll that has clouded my head and made me lose sight of my goals for moving here in the first place.
I write this blog after 14 straight days of 12+ hours working down at the golf tournament in Tucson and the convention center. This is the first day off I have had since I returned from Virginia and the madness has to stop. I am broken...I didn't enjoy being on the golf course at all during the tournament; I disliked having to cow-tow to self-important windbags who treated us like something stuck to the bottom of their shoe; I hated the sleep deprivation caused by sheer exhaustion and I find myself uncharacteristically angry at the most meaningless things. I am most angry at myself for allowing this to happen but I am equally angry at my employers for the empty promises and the further promises that "things will slow down eventually". In the meantime, I am in the process of rethinking this whole "career" that has happened despite my efforts to keep it as a hobby to keep me in greens fees. I have played one round of golf since Virginia and my game was horrible. I am tired all the time. Something must be done and I will do it. But, I won't do it in the emotional condition I am now. Right now, I would like to throw my hands in the air and yell "I quit" and just walk out, but that wouldn't solve anything. I need to come up with a plan in the next few weeks and if leaving the job is what I decide, then it will be on MY terms and MY timetable. They may have broken my spirit (and my body), but they don't fully realize who they are messing with...(sorry, there's that anger again).
There is no need for phone calls or urgent emails. I will be fine in a week or two. It gives me great peace to know that you are out there and allowing me to vent this way. The Arizona Kid will work his way out of this dilemma like he has done countless times before...one day at a time. Thanks for listening.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment