Do NOT try this at home...

Hey, campers. I finally wrangled a day off from the salt mines and decided to play catch up... (which is always the case these days). Ok, my salt mines are usually cooler than most since they change with every gig, but working is working... (who am I trying to kid---I love this s%$#! um, stuff). But the real reason for the title reared it's ugly head last Saturday... (not two days ago but the 15th--damn! time flies). As you know, I work for two security companies and I balance my schedules fairly nicely between the two. I was scheduled to work the Barrett-Jackson car auction from the 15th to the 23rd from 4pm to midnight every day... (great, can get my new tires on the truck and play some golf). MLK day was a three day weekend and Company 1 called and asked if I would do my James Bond undercover gig Saturday and Sunday night. I told them I needed to start at 12:30am so I could leave Scottsdale at midnight and drive to Tempe and ASU. Ok no problem. So I would work 4pm til midnight and 1230 to 7am two days...(15 hour shifts--been there done that. Piece of cake). Now comes the kicker. Company 2 calls and tells me they need me to change to 8am to 4pm shift for the week starting Sunday morning. That's right! 4pm-midnight, followed by 1230am to 7am, followed by 8am to 4pm. 24 hour work gig! The "triple lindy" of security work...(see Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School). Mere mortals would have refused or cancelled, but "Security Man" (dope that I am) said why not? and then realized Sunday night would be 1230am to 7am followed by 8am to 4pm again, a 15 and a half hour shift. Still I was determined to try. I don't call off a gig after I accept the terms.

I didn't have to work Friday or Saturday morning so I rested and napped for all it was worth. I had coffee and 5hour energy bottles (the stuff works great) lined up and ready to go. I had uniform changes and toiletries and lunches and water. I was confident I could pull this off... (confident here is spelled S-T-U-P-I-D). So off I went to Westworld and the auction. Saturday was a move in day for exhibitors and set up people and was a really easy gig... (after around 8pm there was no one around). Shift change came and I raced to the car, hopped in and got to Tempe around 1220am and snuck into ASU (while the theme song of "Mission Impossible" played in my head). No problem staying awake so far. Quiet night until around 5am. I heard voices on the floor I was on! No one was supposed to be in the building. I remained in my hiding place and called ASU PD. Whispering my name I gave them my location and they dispatched two officers to investigate... They came and found me and I went with them to check for break ins or vandalism on the floor... nothing. Then they told me that event staff were in the building because the PF Changs Marathon was being held that morning and ASU was a host. Then, my boss calls and asks why the police are there and I tell him and he tells me that he forgot to mention this fact, but I did exactly what I was supposed to do... (I didn't realize crapping my pants, figuratively, was part of the procedure). The head honcho called and apologized for the oversight and I returned to the car, changed back into company 2 togs and raced to Scottsdale for another shift. Luckily, the mornings were chilly and the cold kept me awake. I made it through and struggled home to watch the end of the Jets big win over the hated Pats... (take that Tom Brady!).

Unfortunately, that meant I didn't go to bed until around 630pm and I was up again at 11pm to shower and pack and go again. Luckily, there was no disturbances at ASU, but it was awful quiet and very hard to stay awake... (my face has never been so clean with all the cold water I was splashing on it) and I struggled through, hit two coffee places and made it to Scottsdale again for the day shift. I almost fell asleep in the bathroom stall (that would have been a classy move) and the spring in my step was gone, but I made it through and made it home at 530pm. In a 56 hour span (2 days plus 8 on Saturday night) I worked and commuted around 43 hours... Do not try this at home...(or anywhere else for that matter!)