The Longest Day... (not the movie)

Saturday began like every other day this week... up at the crack of dark (not sure what day it was until I checked the weather channel), packed my backpack with cold weather gear and rain ponchos (not getting soaked again this week) and off to the golf course. Because one golfer decided it was too dark yesterday to finish putting on the 18th hole, none of us knew when our golfers were teeing off, so we hung around the clubhouse and waited for him to putt. He made the birdie and then within 45 minutes the pairings sheet came out... (after the cut the top 70 and ties are arranged in threesomes according to score with the leaders going out last). Because of the poor weather coming in the afternoon, they sent golfers out on both nines to get them finished early. Zach Johnson struggled to an even par 71 and fell 6 shots back, Greg Chalmers ballooned to a 73 but Robert Allenby (Aussie) after bogeying 2 of the first 3 holes, came back with 4 birdies and finished with a 69 to put him 4 back of the leader. Zach was very disappointed with his round and didn't go to the practice range, so after he signed his scorecard (I hung out with his parents while we waited) and he signed a few autographs and chatted with family and friends, he left and so did I...

Not so fast, Mr. Jim... Call from Sammy (lead), go back to the secret hideout for another "private" party for the Thunderbirds... Walk down there to find out that the party was cancelled, everyone heading to the Bird's Nest for the final night and O.A.R. concert... Back to command and sign out for the day, right? WRONG! "Hey, Jim didn't you say you could work tonight if we needed you?" Uhhhhhhh, yeah... "Well we need you. Head over to the Bird's Nest..." G-r-e-a-t!
I have never been to the Bird's Nest so I figured how hard could it be... (at least I get to see what the fuss is all about this place). It was a freaking zoo at 6pm. At first I guarded an "exit" only spot with a hundred people giving me stories how they had to come in that way... NO! Then they moved me inside to the main tent. The entrance was gated like most venues. Then you had an outdoor hangout with tables and food and drink vendors and porta-johns (toilets) and then there was the main tent where the concert and bars and private VIP areas were... (the VIP areas had covered areas with couches and chairs and a private bar and bathrooms). There was no indoor restrooms for the regular crowd and that fact will haunt me for a long time (see explanation below).

OAR was the band booked for the evening live concert... Little did we know that they oversold tickets for the concert and didn't anticipate the size of the crowd...(last year the Phoenix Open was held on Super Bowl weekend and the Cardinals were playing so there wasn't that many people). This year's event was pushed to the end of the month and anyone and everyone showed up for this show. Not only that, but they didn't close the venue to just ticket holders so anyone could jam into the tent... (and jam in they did). The fire marshal declared too many people were coming in and told us to shut down the gate and no one else was allowed in... Bicycle racks were put up and then the poop (keeping it clean) hit the fan. After explaining at least 1000 times that the venue was closed (I have tickets, my wife/husband is in there, my friends are in there and I have no ride and hundreds of other stories) the patrons tried storming the place and Scottsdale's bicycle cops came to back me up... (but I was on the front line). People came up to me from inside and asked me where the bathrooms were... "They are outside, but if you leave to use them, you CAN'T come back in." (explanation). Threatened, pleaded with and offered wads of cash and other interesting offers (thanks but no thanks, ladies), I held my ground and lost my voice. They wouldn't stop pushing and I finally lost it and went "Jersey" on the crowd to the delight of the officers behind me... (I thought I had mellowed out West, but I lit into that crowd and they just stared back wide-eyed and open-mouthed. I quit drinking and smoking, but evidently I can still curse like a sailor, and I did).

News came over the radio... (which I could barely hear) that anyone having tickets would be refunded the next day. That really calmed the crowd (sarcasm insert). Two patrons were painfully removed from the "gang" by Scottsdale finest for pushing and the questions and threats kept coming. Even though it was an hour, it seemed like a lifetime... (I finally resorted to "I don't care if you ever get in , sir" and "I didn't oversell the tickets, ma'am"). Then news came in that they would allow 75 people in... (there were hundreds out there). I turned to the cops and told them that I wanted to choose the 75... they agreed. So I hand picked the best stories and people that didn't give me a rash of poop and let them in... (Threatened one guy with personal expulsion and beatdown if he pushed again--the "Jersey" was out of control). Then they announced that everyone could come in a slow orderly fashion... (good luck with that). All of a sudden, I'm everyone's hero. After everyone went in, I went outside and just tried to breathe. Letting myself go "Jersey" was quite therapeutic but expended way too much energy. I roamed around, listened to the concert and bitched and moaned about front-line duty... (I'm too old for this s*&^!--Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon). But I survived and then around 11pm I got to kick out everyone I let in a few hours ago... (couldn't find the one guy I threatened--that would have been sweet). And then the skies opened and I had to stand in the rain waiting to check out. I was so wired I skipped the shuttle and walked (after 17 hours) the half mile back to the car and drove home for a short nap and then back to the course for the final day...